Overcoming My Fear of Taking a Sabbatical

You would think the decision to take a Sabbatical would have been a quick easy decision with a resounding yes!  I mean who wouldn’t want to time away from their job and travel the world? But you couldn’t be more wrong! It wasn’t an easy decision at all.  I have actually spent 7 years dreaming about taking a Sabbatical one day but always thought it would be just that, a nice little fantasy to daydream about on a bad day.  My dream of a sabbatical seemed just as unrealistic in my mind as my chances of winning the lottery and becoming a multi-millionaire. 

The first time a Sabbatical even crossed my mind was when I met a German friend, Uli, on my China Contiki Tour that was traveling the world by himself and had taken time off work to do it.  He had explained that is was more common in Europe to take a Sabbatical and his company was totally fine with him leaving for an extended period of time and coming back to his same job.  At the time, it seemed like such a foreign concept to me.  I mean how many Americans do you meet that have taken a Sabbatical?  I was in awe of his decision and it created a little idea in the back of my head that I could do the same thing one day but it took me years to give it some serious thought.  It was just something nice to daydream about when I had a bad day at work or when it was snowing in April in Chicago and I was just wishing to be anywhere else.

Then about 4 years ago, the thought reentered my mind when my good friends, Chris and Lauren, announced to our group of friends that they were going to take a Sabbatical.  They were planning on moving from Chicago and leaving their jobs anyways so it was perfect timing for them to take a one year Sabbatical around the world.   They wanted to see as much of the world as they could before moving to Michigan, where Lauren is from, to settle down and start a family after having recently been married.  I couldn’t help but think how smart, brave, and cool they were for their decision.  Why couldn’t I be as smart, brave, and cool as them?

Of course a year later, I jumped at the chance to travel with them along with 3 other friends.  We agreed to met up in Croatia and then Munich for Oktoberfest.  During that trip, I couldn’t help but be amazed at how much they had already seen on their adventure.  I was impressed by the amount of research they had done and how they had things so organized for their year of travel.  Lauren would regal us with mini history lessons for each site we were visiting.  They had also researched which bars and restaurants we should try and I loved all their suggestions.  I couldn’t help but be in awe of how much planning they had done when I was happy just to be along for the ride.  At every point, they knew what bus we needed to take or what site we should see.  I couldn’t help but think how exhausting it might be to constantly do that much research.  It made me doubt my ability to ever plan something out like they had. I mean I don’t even make those detailed of plans for my two week vacations, how would I ever plan that much for several months or a year of traveling?

I was also amazed with Chris and Lauren’s budgeting.  They had racked up an enormous amount of airlines miles and hotel points to help offset the cost of their trip.  Chris had even put together tiny spreadsheets of which credit card to use for each purchase to maximize their number of points/miles for Lauren to carry and know which credit card to use for every situation.  Have I mentioned that Chris and Lauren are highly intelligent?  Their intelligence helped them save, budget and plan their trip.  They used air bnb’s and stuck to public transportation to lower their costs.   I couldn’t help but doubt if I could adopt that type of travel style that might be needed for such long-term travel.  I mean I love hotels and will often just pay for a cab over hauling my luggage around a city for convenience.  But wouldn’t that add up quickly for long-term travel making it impossible for me to afford?  As much as I envied their choice to take a Sabbatical, I didn’t believe in my ability to ever do the same thing.  I figured I would just have to live vicariously through the blog that they had created and stories of their trip.  

Fast forward, three years later and I am living in Dallas and not loving it.  I had simply moved to escape the cold weather of Chicago and was fortunate enough to have an opportunity to advance my career into a management role if I moved to Dallas.  I took the new job with my company thinking if I hate it then I can always move back.  The best way for me to describe my feelings on Dallas was it just never felt like it was home to me.  For various reasons that could be a whole other blog post, I just could never see myself in Dallas long-term.  And after nearly 3 years here, I was contemplating moving.  And the tiny thought in the back of my mind to take a Sabbatical became a much bigger nagging thought that I just couldn’t shake.  I had recently renewed my lease and thought that if I was going to take a Sabbatical that in September of 2018 would be the time to finally do it.  By this point in my life, I had saved up enough money that a Sabbatical could be not only a dream but a reality for me.  But even knowing that I had the money put aside to take such a trip didn’t make the decision quick or easy for me.  I had been at my company for around 6 years when I started seriously thinking about taking a Sabbatical.  6 years is a long time and a big investment.  I feel very lucky that I actually love the company that I work for.  I love so many of my co-workers that some even feel like family.  I love the benefits at my company like having 6 weeks of PTO which is practically unheard of in the States.  I am so incredibly grateful for the opportunities I have been given by my company over the years.  Could I really risk all of that to take a trip around the world? Would it be completely foolish to give up all that to travel the world for a few months?

Well my decision was about to get so much harder.  I had some honest conversations with the President of my division  and I shared with him that I was unhappy in Dallas.  After several conversations, he offered to let me move to our Nationals team which I quickly accepted.  Now I was back working with several of my old colleagues from the Chicago office including my old boss.   They gave me a choice to move back to Chicago, continue working out of the Dallas office, or work 100% remotely.  I decided to stay in my lease in Dallas and to try working from home to see how I liked it.  I quickly loved working from home and the flexibility it afforded me.  Occasionally, I would still go to met up with my former co-workers for lunch or happy hours so I didn’t completely miss out on the social aspect of my job.  So now I am in a dream situation with my job but I just couldn’t shake the need to take a Sabbatical.  I kept feeling that if I didn’t take one now that I never would.  I have gone back and forth so many times in my head on the decision. After attending a company happy hour, I woke up that night nearly having a panic attack about leaving.   Seeing everyone had reminded me how much I love working for my company and just how much I had to lose by taking a Sabbatical.  I nearly changed my mind right then in the middle of the night.  

But in my heart I know that if I don’t take a Sabbatical now then I never will.  Next thing, I would be waiting for the 10 year mark with my company to earn the $10,000 bonus that came along with it and then waiting for my 15 year mark that I would finally get a 4 week sabbatical.   And who else knows what personal obstacles life might throw my way.  I know these things would make me never leave and even in writing this paragraph, I begin doubting myself all over again.  I have it so good, why can’t I just be happy with that?

This may sound morbid but when I get conflicted, I imagine myself on my death-bed as an old and gray-haired lady and think that I am less likely to regret my decision to take a Sabbatical then staying.  I don’t want to wait until I am retired to travel the world.  At that point, I might be less likely to enjoy hikes or long walks getting lost in a foreign city.  I know as I get older, I’ll prefer the luxury of a nice hotel and won’t want to stay in low-cost hotels or hostels or take the long bus journeys that are helping to make this once in a lifetime trip affordable for me.  All of these things and my gut are telling me that taking a Sabbatical is the right decision for me.  That if I don’t take a Sabbatical now, my love for my company will turn into a resentment for holding me back from following my dream.  I fear that resentment would turn into hatred and the reason I stayed will have been all for nothing.   So at the end of the day, my decision is take a Sabbatical to fulfill many of my bucket list items in life-like seeing the Great Pyramids of Egypt, scuba diving in some of the best coral reefs of the world, going on an African Safari to see the Big 5, etc.  

During a prior conversation with the President of my division, he had told me that he sees me as a person that “works to live not lives for work” and he couldn’t have been more accurate.  In less than a month, I plan on giving him a 3 month notice of my Sabbatical and talking to him and my other bosses about the possibility of returning to work after my trip.  I can only hope that my hard work over the years will make them value me enough to take me back.  But life is full of risks, and it is a risk I am willing to take to follow my heart.  If they don’t take me back, then I can always find a new job although I fear that I would miss my company.  But this may be my one and only shot in my life to take a Sabbatical so I am going to seize the opportunity before it slips away from me.

I have planned my Sabbatical to be a 8 month trip ending somewhere in South America.  I don’t have concrete plans yet for the last few weeks of my trip and leaving it open so if I want to stay in South America for longer then I can or if I have spent over my allotted budget then I can come home.  I realized that my Sabbatical doesn’t have to mirror the year that Uli, Chris or Lauren spent.  I realized that I would rather leave for a shorter amount of time then they had and raise my budget per day to afford myself more luxuries along the way.  As with anything in life, you don’t have to follow in someone else’s exact footsteps.  Some of my fears came from trying to replicate someone else’s journey but this is my Sabbatical and the only one that needs to be happy with my trip is myself and I am beyond excited for my once in a lifetime Sabbatical that I am about to embark on.

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